Something a little lighter

After that depressing, but needed post the other day, I figured I should post a picture of B. It's blurry but adorable. This is her first thing in the morning. What's on the other side of the camera is not as cute.

Life

Isn't that blog title vague...

It seems that a lot of people around me are experiencing life changing moments. Moments of life and death. I feel like I'm putting around going about life as usual. And I'm not happy about that. I feel I'm taking things for granted, doing stupid, destructive things, and I don't want to wake up one day and say, "what the hell did I do with my life."

I went to a church yesterday. It was the first time I've gone in a while. I don't feel comfortable in church. Slapping on a happy face and being all nicey nice just isn't my idea of a great Sunday. I've fallen far from the faith I had in my early 20's. I don't know why. I don't know why I've turned my back on it. I don't know why I've decided that my way is the best way, when I know it's not. Even after I went I still went on about my life as usual. Why didn't God change my heart? Am I not open enough? Am I not ready?

I want to be ready. But I also don't want to give up who I am. I don't want to give up my friends, my social life, me. I'm a sarcastic, selfish person, who just happens to be blessed with an amazing husband and daughter. I don't deserve any of it and fear that any day now it will be taken from me because I sat here and took it for granted.

I'm not sure this all has a point. I just know that my life needs to start heading in a better direction. I hope that those around me will love and accept me for who I am or will become. I hope that the people I've hurt will forgive me and that I one day will fall back into the arm of my Father.

Terrible Pre-Two's

What happened to my content, well-mannered baby? I think we have a diva on our hands. Since she learned to walk a few weeks ago she no longer enjoys being strapped into anything. Stroller? Nope. Grocery cart? Don't even try. High chair when we are out to dinner? Hell to the no. And the list goes on. Ugh! Life is interesting and I feel like I'm just failing constantly.

On one hand I want to be able to discipline her, but on the other hand I know she doesn't fully understand what she's doing. So when I am disciplining I feel like a horrible person, but when I'm not I feel like I'm fostering bad behavior. Ugh...again.

She's only 14 months and I'm just at a loss about what to do. Maybe there's nothing I can do. Maybe we are dealing with it correctly and it's just a phase. And maybe it's just wishful thinking.

Any advice out there?

Grandma

Last week my Grandma passed away. It was bittersweet. She was my last surviving grandparent as both my grandfathers passed away in 1992 and my other grandma passed earlier this year. It's a weird feeling knowing that you no longer have grandparents that are alive.

My relationships with my grandparents were all different. On my mom's side, they were divorced. My grandfather from what I can remember adored us. I remember spending time at his apartment, watching The Little Mermaid. I remember he was an avid golfer and always had a smile on his face. He was a hardworker who loved his children and was a very generous man. My grandmother lived close by almost my entire life but we weren't very close. I know she cared about me, and I remember her taking me to get my drivers license and her car didn't have the e-brake in the right place so I wasn't able to take my test, but I was thankful she wanted to take me. She loved us in her own way, even if I didn't really understand it, or appreciate it.

On my dad's side, my grandparents lived out of state, so we didn't see them often. My grandfather had a stroke when I was little, so most of my memories are of him sitting in his chair that electronically moved up and down to help him get up and down since he has some paralysis. My parents would always yell at us to get off the chair, "it wasn't a toy." Oh, but it was to us...My grandmother was a loving soul. She was a believer in Christ and really put that first in her life. She was a preachers wife who loved her husband, children, grandchildren, and great-grand children. She never missed your birthday and always sent you a card. She loved writing letters and while I was in college to exchanged many letters and she told me about falling in love with grandpa and what it was like raising 3 boys. She was a constant in my life. Someone I did take for granted. I'd always tell myself I'd get around to writing her or calling her. But I didn't. Now she is gone. I won't ever get a letter or card in the mail.

But I know she is so happy where she is. She is reunited with her husband and has met her heavenly Father who she dedicated her life to. I'm so happy that she met my daughter. Grace is my daughter's middle name. That was my grandmother's name. Grandma you will be missed, but we know you are where you want to be and we will see you again one day!

2nd Installment of a Day in the Life...Weekend Style

I'll post about our Saturday.

6:30-B starts stirring. Oh happy day it's Saturday. Which means I sleep in.

7:30-I'm awake. What a disappointment. The house is quiet which means it's Daddy/Daughter Chick-Fil-A breaking Saturday. I call husband and let him know I'll be ready to leave for the aquarium by 8:30. he's quite shocked to hear my voice this early on the phone.

7:35-Go downstair turn on the news and make sure the world is ok.

8:00-Shower and get ready for our first family trip to the aquarium.

8:45-B and P get come home and we get everything ready for our trip.

10:00a-Arrive at the aquarium. We buy an annual pass, since we figure we'll definitely come back...hopefully.

10-12:30-Explore the aquarium. Miss B. loved it. She loved looking at the fish and just looking and looking and looking. We had a blast and can't wait to go back again. Good decision to get the annual pass

1:30p-Get home and attempt to put B down for a nap. 1st attempt, fail. 2nd attempt, she sleeps. And mommy and daddy take a nap too.

3;30-B wakes up. So do we. She's in great mood. We are playing, until, P pulls a muscle in his back. Uh-oh. We start icing it immediately. We know he'll be out of commission for a while. Play with Bella until 5pm.

5:00pm-Start dinner. Talk to my friend and make plans to meet up with her and hang out after B goes to bed.

5:30-Feed B. Clean up.

6:00pm-Bath time. Splish, splash around. She loves the bath

6:30pm-Start to relax with B. Around 6:45 we get the milk ready and cue up her video. We all sit on the couch and snuggle together.

7:00pm-Put B to bed and I get ready to leave and meet my friend

8:00pm-Arrive at the casino and hang out with my friend. We put our name in the poker list. It's a long wait. So we sit and chat.

9:45-Get on a poker table. Haven't played poker in a casino since April. Oh happy day.

12:30-Leave. Lost a little bit of money.

1:30a-Get home and pass out in bed. Exhausted, but a great night.

So that was my Saturday. It's a great mix of family, friends, and some relaxing!

A Day in the Life

A Day in the Life...

I saw this on Sassy Times blog so I thought I would also share what a day in life is like in the A household. Like Sassy, everyday is dramatically different based on work day or weekend, as well as did I work from home or go into the office. So I will go through my day yesterday...

6:15-wake up. Wait B's not awake yet. Yes! I roll over grab my phone and check work email and facebook.

6:45-B's stirring. I go downstairs get her milk and morning snack ready and get B. She drinks her milk and snack while I get her stuff ready for the day. We normally do it the night before, but I was exhausted, so I waited till the morning.

7:00-Play time. We go downstairs and play with Toys. Get her dressed and put sunscreen on.

7:45-Leave for daycare.

8:00-Drop B off. She's crying hard today. She doesn't want mommy to leave. Boy, that's rough. But I leave.

8:15-Jump on my lap top and start search for the morning resumes.

8:30-shower

9:00a-Work. Making phone calls, have a conference call at 11a to plan for. Work. Work. Work. Oh, from home today.

11:00-Conference Call. Fun!

12:00-Leave to meet my girlfriend for lunch at an adorable café.

12:45-Leave, but Whole Foods is right next door. Stop in and pick up some stuff for the house

1:15-Home. Put groceries away and return to my office where I work until 5:30.

5:30-B is home from daycare and oh my she is in a horrible mood. It's a mood I've never experienced. She won't sit in her high chair for dinner. Only wants to be held. Is crying hysterically. P and I are heartbroken to see her like this as well as running short on patience. Maybe taking a walk will work. Nope. Go home.

6:30-Breakdown and put on a Baby Einstein video. Halleluiah it works. She sits on the couch with us and watches it with some occasional freak outs of hysteria.

6:45-Warm up some milk. B drinks it, but is starting to get very cranky. She lets out a big yawn and rubs her eyes. Bed time.

6:50-Is put to bed. Cries for about 3 minutes and is out.

7:00-Friend comes over to look after B while we go out for some dinner.

7:15-Arrive at Bahama Breeze. We sit in the outdoor section and enjoy some cocktails and appetizers. Yummy! We talk and talk and talk.

8:45-Leave and decide instead of going home we'll stop by the local sports bar and grab a pint.

9:00-Grab a pint. See some friends and chat at the bar. We are exhausted.

9:30-Get home. Big thank yous to Dustin for looking after B.

9:35-PJ's are on and must watch the Last Comic Standing season finale.

11:00pm-In bed

11:05-Sleeping.

So as you can see, it's not too crazy. Even though B was quite the fusshead, life was good. I saw a friend for lunch, ran an errand, and got to have dinner out with the hubby (though it's rare). It was a good day, minus not seeing my B as much as I would like, but again, it's all about balancing life.

Next week I'll include a weekend day, since they are my favorite days.

What's your day like.

All part of the balancing act

For the first time we are having someone who's not related to us AND we aren't paying to look after Bella. I've been so hesitant to have any of my friends watch her. It's not because I don't trust them. I just know how stubborn and fussy she can be. It's somehow easier to handle when your family is watching her, because, hey she's blood, so you don't mind so much to put your family through it. When we pay our sitter, I can justify my feelings, since hey, we are paying you. But when it comes to my friends I just feel so bad if she's absolutely miserable for them. Most of my friends don't have children, so they aren't used to being around a very moody toddler, since most of the times we go out at the end of the day so she's tired and cranky.

So to ease our way into it, we are having our friend come over after she goes to bed. This way, she'll be asleep the whole time. Am I crazy?

I'll let you know how it goes.

A change is coming...we hope

It's been forver since I've blogged. I've been keeping up with everyone else, I've have been only a spectator the past couple months. I really haven't had much to write about. Yes, Miss B is amazing, but really who wants to hear about her everyday, except maybe for me? We've celebrated her first birthday. She's a gift.

Well here at a A household we are making some major changes in our home. The major one is, well, we are selling our home. We bought our home in late 2007. It's a 4 bedroom 2.5 bath house. We had no plans of having children at the time. We thought that owning a home would give us happiness. We were fulfilling the american dream, right? Wrong. A beautiful child later, and almost three years in our home we've realized that we aren't happy. Our home is too large. We are in debt. We have to constantly choose between spending time together as a family, or clean, landscaping, or paying someone to do it for us. Ok, to be honest, we aren't the most motivated people. We enjoy our downtime as well.

We've realized that owning a home isn't for us. Someone rudely asked us if we were able to make the payments anymore. 1. it's really not your buisness. 2. yes, we are fine financially. If anything the windfall of money we've experienced recently has showed us how to utilize our money in the best way for our family.

So we are going to be renters again. We found a great 2 bedroom 1.5 bath w/a private study AND a great daycare. We are cutting our square footage in half. But I feel like our happiness has multiplied. Once we sell our home we will be debt free. We will be able to reach our long term retirement goals. We will be able to save enough money over the next few years to buy a home that will meet our needs for a family. We bought into a dream that wasn't really ours. It was a dream that was ingrained in us as children. But it was a false dream for us. We are excited about this next stage of our lives. I encourage all of you out there to evaluate your dreams and goals. Where did they come from? Are they yours? Figure out what's best for you and your family and don't worry what others may think because ultimately, you have to deal with the consequences of your decisions.

Change

Hi all(3 of you? Hi Mom). I know it's been a while. Life has been hectic and blogging hasn't been an interest to me. Hubby has been traveling two weeks straight so I've been working, taking care of little B, attempting to see friends, and keep my house from looking like a slum (fail). Also my creative juices aren't there and I'm in a rut in regards to my diet. I've maintained my weight the last three weeks. I haven't gained or lost. I'm 17 pounds from my goal. Mentally, I'm giving myself until June 1st to get my butt in gear. That will be 8 weeks till my shore vacation and I would really like to wear a two-piece.

In the past month I've also re-fallen in love with my job. I'm not going to lie, it was getting stale. I wasn't busy and it was hard to stay motivated. But there were some nice changes and I'm really enjoying it again. So that's taking up a lot of my time. I feel like my life is about to go through a transition.

Friendships are changing, priorities are changing, and my life is in the process of being re-balanced. I think it's all for the best. I still have one major change that I would like to work on in the coming months (sorry for the vagueness, not it's NOT another baby). But there's something missing in my life and I would like to get back to that part of myself. I know it may be painful and require some sacrifice, but it's important to my family.

I'm also trying to decide where to take this blog. I feel like blogging about mom stuff and weight stuff is boring at best. So I'm trying to decide what to do whether it's continue with the status quo or shake things up around here. I really enjoy politics...anyone with me? :P

Stay tuned!

How We Met...

On Kelly's Korner this week, it's about Show Us Your...How you met your husband/wife/fiance...Here's our story!



Hubby and I met in June 2002. We were both were on break from college. I had just broken up with a boyfriend from college, so meeting someone was not on my radar. An old friend of mine had suggested that we meet up with her boyfriend's friends and go into Boston. On the way over in the car to meet them she casually mentioned, "I hope 'P' is there, you two would really get along." I didn't think anything of it, because again, I was not looking for a relationship since I had just gotten out of a relationship about 48 hours ago! We got there and I was introduced to everyone. I totally thought P's friend Dan was super cute. I glossed right over P. Well we got to our destination after meeting at Dan's house. We went to a bar in downtown Boston called Jose McIntyres. I somehow got talking to P and all of a sudden the lights went up, it was 2am already? How did that happen?

We found out through conversation that we lived close by, so I offered to drive him home. I dropped him off. I was smitten. He was cute, fit, funny, smart, oh my. The next day he called my friend and asked her for my number. He lost it, had to ask for it again. He finally called me up and asked me out. From our first date on we were unseparable...until I had to go back to school 1500 miles away from his school.

We dated long distance for 10 months, and 8 months after that, one January 2nd, 2004 we were pronounced husband and wife.

This of course is the abridged version of our courtship, but my hubby is the most amazing man I've met. He is an amazing father and the most loving husband. Not a day goes by he doesn't say I love you. I'm one lucky woman.








Our Little B!